Struggling

I am struggling, with so many things. I guess that's why I haven't posted much. Too many topics that I could cover so at the risk of sounding like a whiner I am going to get it OUT and off of my chest. So here is one of the first things that I am struggling with (there are more to follow) (BTW, any input would be greatly appreciated).

My sister is having an affair. Yes, you read that right. It still blows my mind to say it, read it, think it. I have known this fact for a little over a month. I have suspected it for 6 months. First, it doesn't surprise me, knowing my sister. How she has handled it is the mind blower.

My sister and I are 12 months and 17 days apart (she is older). Growing up we were close mostly because we were forced to be together. We shared a room until I was 12 years old, we played together, had a lot of the same friends, shared clothes and secrets. We were partners in crime, although not always willingly. She was bossy, mean and a bully. Blackmail should have been her middle name. I had no choice but to succumb to her every wish and demand because, quite frankly, I was TERRIFIED of her. But, still she was my sister....

As life changed and we got older, I married and moved nearly 500 miles away. We stayed in touch but we weren't terrribly close. I have friends that I am closer to. She married a great guy a few years after me. They dated for 6 years and have been married for 18. She is not one to stay in touch and for the most part, I am the one that has always called her, e-mailed, etc. She is hard to get hold of and rarely would have time to talk on the phone (she does have 4 kids and a full time job), if you e-mailed her, a response 3-4 months later is not surprising.

My sister has lead the "perfect life" according to my parents. Mainly because out of 3 of their children, she is the only one that remains Catholic. She has raised her children Catholic and all 4 of my nieces and nephews attend Catholic schools. The reward for being the good daughter - they financially help my sister and bil. They pay for the kids school tuition, give to their college funds, take them on vacations, etc. My kids - NOTHING. When I was a struggling single parent earning just above poverty level and making just a little bit too much to receive state aide (not that I would have used it), my parents didn't help one bit. I had made my bed and therefore, I was going to lie in it, starving or not, shoes for my kids or not. Thank God as time went by things got better. A better job, Christmas bonus's, etc.

In october I get an e-mail from my sister. She confided in me that she wasn't happy in her marriage and wanted out. Basically she said her husband is a great father but a lousy husband and she didn't love him anymore. She felt that their marriage was no example to her kids and in her opinion, if he thought about it, he probably didn't love her either. I have got to say that although I don't LIVE with my BIL, he is a GREAT guy. You could never NOT like him. Yes, he is easy going. VERY easy going, but a great guy. Her - she is a bitch to him. Plain and simple. He can't breathe right in her eyes and for the most part, it has always been that way. She has always treated him like shit, talks to him like he's a piece of shit and all this is done in front of their kids. There have been family gatherings when she has completely gone off on him and called him every name you could think of in front of everyone. Not pretty. Being the easy going guy that he is - he puts up with it. (Note that I have already stated that she was mean and a bully when we were kids, that has not changed).

Around Christmas my Mom is getting e-mails from my nieces (17 and 14) about how their Mom is never home, when she comes home it is around 3 or 4 AM, she is drunk, puking and then can't get up in the morning to get the younger 2 boys ready for school. They told my Mom that my sister wanted a divorce for Christmas. My Mom had NO IDEA that any of this is going on (she lives in another state as well). I call my bil, because my first thought (after I read the e-mails from my nieces) is that "she is having an affair". I heard my sister's side of the story and I wanted to hear what was really going on after the e-mails from my nieces. My bil tells me that she has profiles on 2 dating websites, she is not coming home from work most nights and he followed her to a bar and caught her kissing a guy. She has spent money they don't have, maxed out the credit cards and he found ones that he didn't even know they had. She has a whole new wardrobe, lost weight and gets her hair done all the time. After talking to bil and realizing all the things these kids are seeing and what the older 2 girls know, I call my sister (not letting her know that I talked to bil and know the REAL story) and offer her money to move. I know she is miserable, blah, blah, blah. My real motive is to get her away from the kids, they are hearing and seeing waaayyy too much, and in all reality they see her as the "bad guy". Their Dad is home trying to keep it together, working, & taking care of the kids because after all, my sister is never home these days. She is out partying.

My sister informs me that she isn't going anywhere. Her effing husband can move because she isn't moving into an apartment with 4 kids. Apparently she doesn't realize that none of them want to go anywhere with her. That was the last time I talked to her. In early December. She has had no contact with me or my parents or brother. She didn't show up for Christmas, she didn't call, she didn't even have the balls to say she wasn't coming.

Fast forward to now. My niece e-mails my Mom that her mom got a new phone and she was fooling around with it the other day and a text message comes through and it is from a guy named "Steve". "Steve" is telling her how much he loves her and can't wait to be with her, etc. My niece then reads all the text messages from my sister to "Steve" and vice versa. Oh, they are so in love and can barely live without eachother. My niece is reading this. My niece also knows "Steve". Apparently he is the son of my sisters boss and her boss supports this. "Steve" is also married with 2 children.

In the meantime, my bil continues to try to keep it together for the kids. My sister is flaunting this affair in his face and the kids. She has a "list of demands" for the divorce but she isn't going anywhere, he can leave. Like he is going to leave the kids with her!!! I am terrified and so, so sad for my nieces and nephews and bil that she is doing this to them.

SO I am struggling with this. The inability to know what to do and how to help...

Spring cleaning & my birthday gift

Spring has sprung. Today was a balmy 75, sunny and breezy. A beautiful day. I threw open the (dirty) windows and decided it was too beautiful to stay inside and clean (although that's what I SHOULD have done) much of it was spent outdoors. Faith and I played baseball, I cleaned up the flower beds & the garage and sorted several boxes of items to "keep" or "toss" while she rode her bike. It was a productive day.

For my birthday in January, my husband gave me the gift of all gifts. It was truly the most thoughtful present I have ever received and something I have always dreamed about. No it wasn't a piece of jewelry, the car of my dreams or a shopping spree. Although all those wouldn't be bad either. But it was thoughtful and I am really into thoughtful. When I give a gift, that's what I shoot for. So drumroll please - My husband gave me my very own room. (Sigh) Just what I always wanted. A room of my own, to paint in, sew in, create, write.... He had a little help from Mr. Hudson, (our beloved elderly neighbor) and they did a wonderful job.

The room is in our garage and when we bought the house, it was actually the tanning bed room. And quite honestly it is more along the size of a closet but it is my closet and I love it. It has laminate floors, heated & cooled, my Dad wired it for cable, white shelves along the wall with a sparkling new countertop. I painted it a pretty pink with black baskets on the shelves and framed vintage dress patterns on the wall and it is mine all mine. Today I sorted through my many boxes of fabric, thread, patterns, paints, brushes, etc. and put them all lovingly in place. Oh, the hours I could spend in there. Now if I could just find the time. Maybe when Faith starts kindergarten!!!

The "C" word

Cancer - it should be a four letter word. It is a filthy, dirty, ugly word.

A week ago, my oldest and dearest friend of 20 years called me and asked me to keep her daughter in my heart and pray for her. Her daughter had found a lump in her breast and was having a biopsy. That same day "K" got the news - it is breast cancer. BREAST CANCER. 29. She is 29 frickin' years old and she has breast cancer. She's also got a 5 year old and a 2 year old. She also has the rarest form of breast cancer that there is. It's called IBC. Inflammatory Breast Cancer. This cancer fools you. It doesn't show up on a mammogram or ultrasound and most doctors think it's an infection. It is hard to diagnose.

After doing a little research on the internet, I decided that I hate the internet. I found too much information. Most of it was bad. She doesn't have much of a chance of beating this. One website said that the "5 year, cancer free rule" does not apply. Most patients with this type of breast cancer do not survive the 5 years. A miracle would be good right now.

This is my best friend's only child. She is 29 YEARS OLD. WHAT THE HELL IS THAT??? I know life isn't always fair, but this, it just IS NOT FAIR.

Hobbies

I have hobbies. Too many hobbies. I read quite a bit. Some of my favorite authors are Jodi Picoult, Elizabeth Berg, Nicholas Sparks, Anita Shreve, just to name a few. I'll read just about anything except Science Fiction. Not my thing. The book I'm currently struggling through is The Secret by Rhonda Byrne. Apparently there was quite a bit of hype about the DVD and book. I never heard a thing about it until watching Oprah a few weeks ago.

After viewing the episode on Oprah about "The Secret" I bought into the hype and bought the book. As I said - I'm struggling through it. I guess I'm not much into self help books either. The gist of the book seems fairly simple to me and I guess a secret I already knew: If you're a negative person who thinks negative thoughts, that is what will come to you. If you're all gloom and doom, you're life will be gloom and doom. You get what you give, basically. The flip side of it is, if you are positive and believe good things will come to you, that is what you will receive. I was a sucker - I bought the book. Apparently it's changing a lot of lives. I'm lucky that mine doesn't need changing, atleast in my opinion. A total waste of a Christmas giftcard.

Another hobby of mine is painting. I have painted for nearly 20 years. Growing up I wanted to take art classes in a bad way. My parents thought that my sister was the talented/creative one and she took the art lessons. (Can you sense a small amount of bitterness here?) So when I was about 24 I took a painting class. For the most part, I am self taught. Trial and error. I typically paint with just simple craft paints on either wood or mat board. If I can figure out how in the world to put picture on here I will. (OK I did it, but for the life of me can't figure out how to arrange them where I want them) The Santa and the angel were painted on mat board. The waterfall picture and the painting of the mountain scene are oil on canvas.

Recently I have taken 2 oil painting classes. This is new to me. Totally different from my usual. So I am struggling with it. My teacher told me I try too hard. My problem is that I am a really detailed person. My paintings MUST look like something real. Trees should look like trees, people should look like real people. I try, but I do not get the paintings that you see that do not look like what they are supposed to be. If it's a woman, it should look like a woman, not like a 2 year old painted it. I don't know what that style of painting is, (Impressionist???, I think. I just don't know) but I don't get it. BUt I also don't know what my painting style is. I really don't have one. When I see something I like, I try to paint it. I cannot paint from my own imagination. I have to visually see a picture, a pattern or something. The oil painting is definitely not my style either. It is what the teacher taught every student that day. Definitely not something I would pick out at random and paint.

Well I was totally enjoying my day. Thinking about getting the paints out and Mr. T called. He had taken our daughter to visit MIL yesterday (she lives almost 2 hrs away). They were going to stay the weekend and come home Sunday and I was going to have some "ME" time. Apparently MIL has the stomach flu and they are on their way home. So much for the ME time. Oh, well. Atleast I had about 1/2 a day. And hopefully I won't be cleaning up puke. Fingers crossed.

Miss Chris

My Very First

I don't know where to begin. I read so many blogs. I LOVE to read other blogs, but mine, I am at a loss. I've always wanted to have a blog but wondered if my life was interesting enough, would I have comments, lurkers that left hateful comments??? (I hate that, BTW).

I guess I will begin with ME. I am 43 years old. A mom to 3. Two boys from a previous marriage. Trav is 18, Wes is 13 and I have a daughter, Faith from my 2nd marriage. She is 4 years old going on 25. So I have one in college, one in middle school and one in pre-school. I spaced them out pretty well, but it was not intentional.

Transplanted??? No, I did not have any type of organ transplant. I hope my title isn't too deceiving. I was raised in Columbus, Ohio for 23 years by a VERY Irish-Catholic family and moved to Western Kentucky to marry my ex-husband. We met through work and dated long-distance for a year. I moved here to be with him, fell in love with the slow paced life and never left. Even after a very nice, amicable divorce.

I was a single parent for about 5 years (I think I should receive some kind of medal or something) because honestly, it was THE hardest thing I have ever done. (Other than CONCEIVE AND GIVE BIRTH.) Because for me, those 2 things, I was not good at. I bow down to single parents everywhere.

I met my husband Mr. T. through work (he was my boss), we fell in love, married and after 3 miscarriages, our daughter (his only child) Faith blessed our lives. We have been blessed ever since - With everything. I am thankful everyday for the blessings in my life.

While I was pregnant with our daughter, Mr. T and I both lost our jobs so we grasped at straws, took a leap of faith and started our own business. Honestly, it was the best thing. It was successful right from the start. Never a struggle and we never had to borrow a dime to get it started. Like I said - we have been blessed.

So I live in Kentucky, you ask??? A sterotypical state if there ever was one to live in. When non-Southerner's hear us talk I think they automatically lower our IQ's considerably. Some misconcenptions: Yes, we wear shoes. (My kids are forbidden to go with out them.) We do not eat critters, throw trash or have broken down vehicles in our yards, nor do we have a rebel flag hanging any where on our property. (I think the movie was called "Deliverance" and just to set the record straight - that was set in EASTERN Kentucky. We are no where near there.) We don't marry our cousins or our sisters/brothers. We live in a nice rural area, with very little crime, seldom lock our doors at night and my car keys stay in the ignition of my car. That way, I don't have to look for them. It is a good wholesome place to raise kids.

The top 10 things I've learned from living here:

1. The first thing I learned after moving here is that I was living in The Bible Belt and the correct usage of the word "GOD". #1 rule - YOU DON"T USE IT. You don't say Oh my God, Oh My Gosh, or anything that sounds like you are going to say the Lord's name in vain. God Bless is permissible.

2. You don't say "I swear" because you don't swear on anything, ever, at all. And you don't cuss either.

3. You don't wear white shoes after Easter and before Labor Day. (Although I think Clinton and Stacy of What Not to Wear could testify that this "rule" is old and useless.)

4. You don't lock the door to your house EVER, your nosy Mother-in-law may need in there for something. (I haven't figured that one out yet but thank God (whoops) mine lives 2 hours away)

5. You also don't lock your vehicle and by all means, leave the keys in the ignition just in case it is blocking someone and they might need to move it. (This has happened to me before and it is a handy rule to have).

6. If you are Catholic, you are a freak of nature. (I apologize to all Catholics)

7. Louisville is pronounced Looo-eh-vull.

8. The school system/athletic programs are crammed full of politics/cliques. It's not how talented/athletic your child is. If you didn't grow up around here, they are screwed.

9. People have strange names. Especially senior citizens. A few examples: (Male names) Toy, Knox, Talmadge, Winston, Lanie. Female: Harrolyn, Fairy, Arvis, Farris, Vasteen. You also call your elder female aquaintances Miss. For example Miss Ellen, Miss Susan, etc. I apologize if anyone reading this has the above mentioned name. It wasn't your fault.

10. The pace is slow here. People drive slow, talk slow, the mail is slow and technology is behind as well. We are not known for a huge variety of culture.

Considering all the above, I love it here. You couldn't move me with dynamite. It suits me and my family and I wouldn't want to live anywhere else on God's green earth (whoops again).

I hope you'll will stick around, read, enjoy what I have to say and leave nice comments. My blog won't be strictly about Southern living, but a variety of topics from my everyday, normal life.

Ya'll come back now, ya hear. (Sorry I couldn't resist)